Today in Obnoxious Bike People

~Because sometimes hardcore bike people pick up irritating habits and think they're normal. And that is irritating.~

It's almost too easy, but I have to say it: the spandex/Lycra/skintight clothing thing is obnoxious. Actually, let's qualify that. The obnoxious part is less because bike people dress like that, and more because they get smug about it.

Something I wasn't aware of when I got into biking here in Jackson is that apparently one Does Not wear jeans on a bike. This is because jeans will chafe severely on a ride that lasts more than an hour or two. Fine. I get that. In fact, I rarely do wear jeans on a ride where I expect to work very hard. I opt for my hiking shorts - which are not skintight - and while my legs do frequently hate me afterward, it's not because of chafing. Guess I'm just not hardcore enough, but you know, I am comfortable with that.

However, I fail to realize why not wearing jeans equates to wearing this:

This is the Dutch cycling uniform for the London Olympics. I see its equivalent every single day just riding to and from work. Except frequently in even brighter colors. Now, if you are actually riding in a road race, I get the necessity for streamlining and minimizing air resistance. However, shaving seconds off your trip to the post office seems a leeeeelte obsessive-compulsive. You do not need the same tools for Olympic racing as picking up your mail.

If you want to wear your Lyrca shorts and ultra-wicking fabric for a few hours on the trails or the streets, more power to you. When it gets obnoxious is when I bike by in my hiking shorts and sports bra tank top and get this snide little sidelong look while passing someone wearing the Bike Person Uniform. I hereby respond to the people - usually 30 or 40-something men - who give me that look.

A) Do enjoy your sense of superiority, but consider this: we're on the same ride. We're accomplishing the exact same thing, even if I happen to be accomplishing it in hiking shorts.

B) Of the two of us, I look the least like I'll be attending a post-ride party in my Nascar Condom costume.

C) We're biking, ok? The basics of the activity haven't changed significantly since about 1910. Let's not get too invested in the idea that we're doing something complicated.

D) People like you are the equivalent of guys who act super macho at the gym. You are an obstacle to other people feeling comfortable going out and doing something fun and good for them. That snide little look means you suck, and shall be subject to a condescending snarky rant as soon as I get home. Or at least a few days later.

Generally speaking, I don't suppose the Spandex-Clad Snots of the bike world are any worse than people who take themselves too seriously doing any other activity. But then again, I don't have much patience for this kind of shit in any area of life, so I'm not about to cut them slack just because we happen to like the same activity.